Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Sachole Award
The envelope please.
SACRAMENTO, CA—Local Sachole Arnold Schwarzenegger, 62, was granted world-class asshole status Saturday during a special ceremony held in recognition of detestable actions that were deemed beyond the pale even for a major-league asshole such as himself.
"Due to Arnold's consistent lying, his tendency to loudly point the flaws of others, and his habit of turning up at various public locations, as long as there are cameras around to annouce stupid and costly taxes that he calls fees,
the board votes unanimously in this matter," said National North American Asshole Council chairman Tucker Butt,
citing sworn affidavits testifying that Arnold had been "a career asshole as far back as college."
"I hereby declare Arnold Schwarzenegger to be a 24-karat, world-class asshole, with all the rights and responsibilities pertaining to that office."
Following his certification, Schwarzenegger refused to apologize for his actions, claiming that that was just the kind of asshole he is.