Friday, September 11, 2009

Hey Sack Row Mental, Here Ya Go Assholes

Since you continue to be total failures and want just waste all the taxpayers money on criminals and providing these criminals with power, credit lines, job security, highly paid positions, and, based on your dubious actions that continue to make the every day worker Joe to feel helpless, bitter, scorned, torched, used, simple, deranged and menopausal/emasculated - NUC would like to propose a few taxation ideas to which you can subscribe and represent.

Ari Fleischer Tax: We know if you had it your way, every breath of air people breath would get taxed. In fact, you'd probably insert chips in everyone's head that measured average breaths taken per day, if you could. Why not start with a tax dedicated to one of the Earth's all-time political douchebags?

Sun Tax: Arnold would love to put a tax on the rays emitted from the greatest star in the galaxy not to star in a Terminator movie.

Duball Tax: Places a "double-trouble" tax on California assemblymen and women who partake in fucking lobbyists. That is right, all to partake in said fucking is to ante up a tax that is double the current state tax rate on an artificial bill that does not necessarily have to paid, unless if a bill passes that is supported by the whore lobbyist. In this case, the assemblyperson is liable for state taxes on all reported costs of act of fucking the lobbyist (ie: hotel rooms, vacations, gifts, alcohol, cocaine and condoms).

Dog Urination Tax: Look - dogs love to lift their leg, or squat, in the least pretty of all the civilized domestic animal kingdom. They go on every tree, lawn and shrub lining the block you live on. This can burn or damage the plants if they are not properly watered. If every plant gets watered, then that means there is that much less water for Arnold's and your jacuzzi. Someone needs to pay for the increased costs in heated water.

Infant Crying Tax: Nobody likes sitting down at the local Norms diner only to get caught up in a wahhhhhh-fest from the lil' shitling mom can't contain in public (or private). Now diners will take delight in knowing their state's budget just earned a "cha-ching!" every time mommy or daddy says "No." An added bonus to this is that all tantrums are monitored using eco-friendly collars rather than chip inplants into the still forming skull of the infant. Note: Increased brain damage to infants is not a cost endorsed by a state that can't offer jobs or medical assistance as it stands.

As with most new tax provisions, there should also be a new set of loopholes, such as the Fruit-fly credit and Eye-patch bikini underwear rebate programs.


Anonymous said...

and everybody in california should be taxed negative 5% yearly

BTW-what is this fruit-fly rebate I think I may qualify. Do regular flies apply?

And one more tax-an old underground water pipe that breaks tax

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking a Spongebob Toilet Paper Square Pants tax would work. Each square used to wipe your ass after a dump is at a special 9.75% rate.

merijoe said...

how about hooking your ass to a GPA and taxing 23 cents everytime you blow a fart-revenue would pour into california, or should I say, BLOW IN.

Fortean said...

when they wake - they are taxed
when they take a shit - they are taxed
when they wipe - they are taxed

this goes on all day

tax tax tax